Dwelling//Reflections
I’m sitting in a borrowed home about 4,000km from my own, below the Tropic of Cancer and probably the highest I’ve been above sea level, on the ground at least. The air is hazy and peacefully warm. It’s not cold, or somber, or drenched in the melancholy of Dwelling as it was written. It’s been two years since I revealed myself as a deer in headlights on the cover of my debut project. The enchantment of my early twenties, tumbling out onto the DJ scene with little understanding of the destination ahead has evaporated as a thin mist in the canopy. I’m in the trees and they’re every kind of shape you can imagine. These are my friends and this is love as I know it. But there’s something more to chase. It’s in the caustics; sparkling, effervescent.
Breaks are skittering, pads are ever pensive as they were. The techno is dubbing and the club kicks are thumping. Amidst the arrangement of Dwelling, I hadn’t intended for it to be my debut project. I was leaning into an even colder opening, baring my raw vocals in honest sung words of the confusing emotions I was coming to terms with in naive, failed romance. I’ve begun exploring that side more now in my live performances; but Dwelling was born out of a necessity to leave all my cards out onto the table. I was already a touring DJ, often playing very high energy sets that countered the music I was making at three in the morning on a Tuesday. My headspace might be different in those moments, but I never saw myself as two opposing figures. No aliases, it’s just me.
It feels nice to be accepted for who I am, to not have rigid expectations on how I should sound or play. There’s a mutual trust that whatever happens in the set, on the dance floor, will surely be electric.
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It was a year long process getting Dwelling pressed to vinyl, and my manager and I (thank you Cameron) went through several unexpected road blocks to get it done. Once it was actualized, the feeling of holding that record in my hands for the first time was a sweet joy, but mostly a huge sense of relief. The heartbreak I felt tapping chords out onto my keyboard had long faded; relationships mended, old flings turned friends again, and a freer love finding me when I least expected it. Who was that twenty-three year old overexposed by a beam of light? She knew of her magic, of her infinity. There’s not much I wish I could tell her because she knew deep down to keep moving, even if her heart was on standby.
Only a few copies of the record rest in my apartment now. They are, effectively, sold out - doesn’t take so long to sell 100 copies it turns out. I really want to thank everyone that’s spoken to me about the record, bought one, or shared with a friend - it’s still pretty crazy to me that these songs continue to move people, and that new ears stumble upon it everyday.
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Destination Unknown. A new phase of my life with loves past, present, and future is where I find myself these days. I’ll keep falling in love as track one suggests. Over and over again, in different cities and countries and places the universe welcomes me to. There’s so many forms and they make me whole.
Heal Our Inner Child And Chill was one of those songs where I blinked my eyes and all of the sudden there it was. It came to be and it hit me right in the chest, hard and fast. Won’t be yours long, wanna be yours, No I don’t? Move along, moving along, moving on? Yeah. I was hearing things, unsure. “I’m glad you came.” That was from my mouth. And my favorite, and what roots me in the album: “Before the wind picks up.. That feels like home.” I was learning to adjust to a very transient lifestyle, and those words are kind of a mantra for me at this point. There are bits of my heart scattered across the map, stuck like glue.
Standby. Turn it up and turn it on. Made in my friend’s apartment on miracle mile. Knowing the end is here but what if… Ah it is what it is. I love this song so much.
Last To None is a whole other thing. Just like, very different from the rest of the project. This was one of those visions of the future. Polyrhythms I’m getting more acquainted with. Okay back to the album, unless it changes again?!
If You Change Your Mind, I Could Get To Know You. Yeah we are going somewhere new. Vocals? Like the whispers from track 2? A lot clearer. Vulnerable. Sad club breaks, almost a track for the dance floor. Wouldn’t wanna bum you out too much though. I Could Get To Know You is far more optimistic. Let’s hang out here for a bit.
Reassurance; don’t worry guys, back to the breaks. Jungle, drum n bass. We’re grounded. More melancholy.
I’ve been enjoying making more club-centric tracks lately, but I’m feeling that urge to molt again. Some merging involved. I have new forms waiting for me on my evolutionary journey. New feelings to unlock, sounds to sit in, places to Dwell.